Message from the Grandmothers

Grandmothers Message: The First Step Belongs to Women

A man who works in the prison system spoke at our last Gathering of the Grandmothers, saying he hoped women would be able to call up the power of yin and stand steady with rough men like the ones he works with. He said they're so dominated by the unbalanced energy of yang that they're unable to help themselves and pleaded with us to stand in our power and not turn away from, but 'be there' when that sharp, sometimes frightening energy of yang seems to lash out. He touched us deeply. "The Grandmothers are right," he said. "The first step must be taken by women." His plea for these wounded, often frightening men has laid on my heart since then, puzzling and haunting me.

His words came back to me yesterday when I saw the anguish on my friend, Alice's, face as she talked about her husband verbally attacking her. And as I listened, I felt the attack she was describing, felt the thrust of yang energy coming at me. I have been on the receiving end of this sort of aggression too and have observed this intensity, not only in men, but in women-including myself. As I mulled all of this over, I realized this wasn't a problem I could handle. I would go to the Grandmothers.

When I asked what to do about this issue of yang aggression--how to respond to it, they smiled knowingly and said, "Women and men have real difficulty understanding each other." "How can we deal with this when it comes at us?" I asked again. "We often feel under attack." They nodded, but said nothing.

I waited and soon I saw a movement and recognized the sharp energy of yang. When it seemed to thrust itself at me, I cried out. But as yang hurtled like a spear, the energy of yin within me expanded around it to contain it. Holding everything steady, yin then flowed slightly off to one side and took me with it. This tiny movement prevented the energy from hitting me squarely in the heart. The thrust glanced off instead, its momentum slowed. The interaction of yin and yang continued however, and it wasn't long before they began to dance together. I was amazed by this but then remembered how at the last Gathering of the Grandmothers, Sandra de Graaf showed us how to move, not just in opposition to, but with the energies of yin and yang. The dancing I was seeing reminded me of that.

"When you yourself lead with the energy of yang, thrusting forward in a missile-like movement," the Grandmothers said, interrupting my train of thought, " you need the same reception you just experienced the energy of yin giving to yang." "Yes, Grandmothers," I said. " You're right. When I'm charged up and full of yang I do want to express myself and be received. I don't want confrontation or for people to turn away from me. And though when I'm like that I might need to be blunted or offset a bit so I can play with the person, I don't want to be rejected because I'm coming on too strong. Actually what I really want at a time like that," I said as I thought it over, "is to dance with someone. I too want to enjoy the exchange."

"Grandmothers," I said and looked hard at them, "are you teaching me that when men thrust themselves at us in that aggressive way they're not trying to annihilate us?" "They're not trying to annihilate you," they laughed, "because if they did that, they'd have no one to play with."

"This forward thrust of power is how yang moves," they explained, regarding me with bemused looks. "You need to understand the ways of yang because men are mostly yang. This is their way," they said. "It's very different from your way."

"I get that, Grandmothers," I said, and then they showed me women standing together and pointed out the patterns of connection they formed. I could see a lot of exchanging taking place, and this sharing occurred on many levels, (within each woman as well as between different women). And all of it was happening at the same time. "Connect/exchange, connect/exchange," I chanted as I watched the women relate. It seemed so natural to them --like breathing.

With men I didn't see this sort of connecting. Instead, there was that forward thrusting movement. Yang shot out. I watched energy fly forward and observed men's pleasure as they expressed themselves like this. They gave it and received it. Yang offered them an opportunity to play and they bantered, joked, and horsed around, pushing and pulling one another. "It's a yang-dance," I said. "They're like the football players on T.V. who smack and punch each other. Yang, yang, yang, yang," I sang as I watched.

"Expect men to be different from you," the Grandmothers said. "Observe them, don't judge them. And assume that their energy will often thrust forward at you. Pow!" they shouted, punching their fists at me while I jumped. "Open and receive," they said, laughing at my reaction.

"Assume that men will act out the energy of yang like this because they will," they said. "We ask you to move into yin and from this position of power open to receive the energy of yang. We also encourage you to sidestep it. Do this until you become so powerful that you no longer need to sidestep. We promise you that at some point you will be able to simply contain this energy of yang, unperturbed by how it rushes at you. But until that time," they said, smiling, "sidestep."

"Men are your greatest challenge," they said, "because men are 'the other. Their nature is unlike yours. Some of you, it is true, have learned to act like men," they said. "Your culture encourages this. But your nature is not fooled by your actions. Your heart is not fooled either," they said, with a knowing look.

"We ask you to teach others what we are telling you now," the Grandmothers said, "and share your experiences of 'the other.' As you learn from one another you will become aware of the play of yin and yang and will be able to observe with a disinterested air what you may have previously seen as a yang attack. It is important to remember that what seems to be the aggressive behavior of yang energy is not caused by you. It has, in fact, nothing to do with you," they said. "What you see is simply the nature of yang.

"Men's aggression often feels bad to you because to express like this is not your way," they said. "But for the most part, the thrusting, aggressive energy of yang that comes at you is, as you say, only a little out of line. Most of what you observe is just yang.

"Yang can feel like an attack," they explained and turning their heads to look me in the eyes, the Grandmothers said, "and sometimes it is. You need to be aware of this too. In some men energy has become unbalanced. This unbalanced, renegade energy of yang has done great damage and continues to do damage," they said. "Some men and a few women too have become so dominated by unbalanced yang that they commit horrendous acts against life.

"We ask you to step into the steadiness of the position of the container that holds whatever comes to it (see Container Meditation, chapter 2, Our Love Is Our Power). "Hold that position and then sidestep the energy of yang. If the thrusting energy coming at you is truly dangerous, you will feel and know it in your body and will completely sidestep it. You are not the target. No matter what anyone may tell you," the Grandmothers said, "the expression of yang energy (whether balanced or unbalanced) has nothing to do with you. You needn't take delivery. You can 'hold' from your powerful position as the container, but don't take delivery."

"Grandmothers," I said, "I don't get it and right now I can feel that sickening energy Alice talked about that came at her. It's awful. "Yes. Your body doesn't lie," the Grandmothers replied, regarding me with sober faces. "Simply hold your place as the container," they said. "Hold the position of wisdom and observation. Then when something like this comes at you and seeks to hurt you, you will automatically turn away from it. You will feel the difference in your body between the simple thrusting of yang and the destructive energy of unbalanced yang. Your body will teach you," they said.

"Teach me a little more, Grandmothers," I said. "I'm not sure I'm really getting it." After this, there was a moment of silence and then I watched a missile of yang come flying toward Alice. However, because she was standing in her power, because she was the container, she saw it coming. She did not take delivery. As the container, she held the position of greatness. The barbs and put-downs coming her way were nothing to her. Energy flew at her like an arrow, but missed as she sidestepped it. I watched it bump the wall and slide down. Ineffective.

"When the energy of yang becomes too aggressive, too sharp and damaging," I said as I continued to watch, "the container becomes so huge, it's global." As I spoke, the container that was Alice expanded until it held everything. "It's almost like the container becomes so great, so connected to the Fabric of Being of life, that this thing that's hurling itself at the person becomes nothing," I marveled.

"So you don't get down in the dirt with the attacker and play dirty," I said to the Grandmothers. "If you can dance with yang, you dance with it. But if yang is not an invitation to dance but is rather a heat-seeking missile, you expand into this great oneness, expand into the container that holds all life and this energy that's coming at you becomes a mini, mini, mini flea on the biggest elephant that ever lived. And," I continued, "your body will know the difference. It will tell you when to merge into this great space and let the little personality stuff drop off. Also," I said, trying not to miss anything, "when you don't react to the renegade energy of yang but instead move into this greater identity, the unbalanced energy can't feed on you. It becomes less.

"Grandmothers, I said, "Do I have it? "Yes," they replied, "but there is more. Much more. This, however, is enough for now."

Sharon's note: More teachings will follow on the relationship of women and men.