I often hear about women’s dissatisfaction with the men in their lives—from the Grandmothers’ work and from my psychotherapy practice. I want the Grandmothers’ guidance on this issue and so I journeyed to them.
“Grandmothers, “ I said, “a lot of women on the spiritual path feel despair about men, some are ready to leave their husbands and some of them already have. Some women say they don’t know how to relate to their mates and still be true to their spiritual path. There is a lag between where women are spiritually and where men are. Of course not all women are spiritually advanced and not all men are asleep, but there seems to be a spiritual cut off between the sexes. My question is, ‘What is the proper way for women to relate to men now--both in marriage and in other relationships?’
The Grandmothers responded. “What you are asking about is not a condition that has only occurred in your time. This difficulty you are asking about between men and women has been going on for a long, long time. Women by nature are more open spiritually and emotionally than are men. This has always been so. But today when many of you no longer need men financially (and as you age you no longer need them sexually either,) you ask, ‘why stay with them?’ Men are not where you are, you tell yourself. What you do not understand is they are not supposed to be where you are.
“Many of you are disappointed in men. You find fault with them and there is a lot of fault to find. But you have compassion for many who suffer in this world, don’t you? Do you also have compassion for men? It is true that men do acts of damage and commit most of the crimes against humanity, but they do not do these things because they are happy and, as you say, following their bliss. They act the way they do out of blindness. If, seeing this, you simply dust off your hands and walk away from men, what will happen? Would you abandon a child in the middle of traffic? You must have compassion for men, just as you have compassion for all the suffering beings in this world. We tell you that men are suffering too--no matter how it may look to you.
“We know that sometimes this is hard to see. With men who adopt arrogance as their model, it is especially difficult to see their suffering.” As they said this, the Grandmothers showed me some of the great titans of business. My mind kept flashing on Donald Trump. He illustrated the arrogance they were speaking of. Men like this are famous for using money and people, discarding wives, neglecting children and multiplying millions. “With these men especially,” the Grandmothers said, “it’s hard to see their suffering. But remember what Jesus said; ‘by their fruits shall ye know them.’ When you see the kind of fruits a man like this leaves behind him you can know there is no happiness there. Happiness begets happiness, contentment begets contentment. Anyone who causes damage and harm to others has no peace.
“You, however, must be purveyors of peace. If you will not step up and do this, how can peace spread to those who need it most? If you have no compassion for men, if you expect them to be like you are, what good will you do? Men are not supposed to be like you. They are the way they are. They can no more help being who they are than you can help being who you are. You know how much you have evolved in your lifetime, how far you’ve come from the days when you were totally captivated by self-centeredness, chasing after desires. Most of you remember what it is like to be constantly looking to the outer world to define who you are. It’s not been that long ago that you too were lost to varying degrees, chasing after one desire and another. So have compassion on these, your brothers, your fathers, your husbands, sons, nephews, uncles and friends. Each person would if they could be far greater than they are. It is within the heart and mind of every human being to expand and become more. Men also want that. They are evolving too. If men have the benefit of the presence of someone who loves and accepts them, who is, herself, living out our message of loving and giving, they will evolve faster.
“Also, men will test you, (as do others too) to live what you know is true. This is a good thing. They test you to walk your talk so to speak. Because they test you, and irritate you, they teach you to not become reactive, but stay centered in the truth. When you are in the presence of someone who pushes you, you become more. There is purpose for men and women to be together—divine purpose. Whether you are together in marriage, in friendship, in relationship of any kind, there is purpose. Men have a lot to give you. They will teach you and push you to your limit so that you have to grow further. Being with someone who is so different from you is not easy. But very seldom does expansion and growth come from that which is easy. This is part of the divine plan.
“We remind you to stay centered within your being. Look outward from that central space within and allow everyone around you to evolve the way they are supposed to evolve. Not the way you want them to evolve. That is your ego. The ego is sneaky. Each time you want someone to behave in a certain way, it is the little you, the ego, wanting what it wants so it can feel comfortable and important. You are not your ego. You are a great being and it’s important for you to remember this. You range beyond all of these seeming opposites, beyond all this friction and fragmentation. You are great—you extend far beyond all that.
“At this very moment you are where you are supposed to be. If you are in a relationship, be there. Learn from that and go with that. If you are alone, learn from that, be with that state and go from that. Your life is not an accident. You are in your right place. Walk the path that you are on. Do not criticize your path or those who walk beside you. This path is right for you. Your life will evolve naturally. It will take you where your hearts desire is. Don’t worry about the men in your life. Honor them, let them be and walk your own path. We will walk with you and we will walk with men. Men are beautiful in their way just as you are beautiful in yours. We will help you to see that so that you can begin to enjoy them.
“Give thanks for all your teachers, even the difficult ones. What you really want is to become more, to expand, to love more and be greater. You’ve been given just the right teachers, just the right circumstances, just the right people in your life so that you can achieve this. We are asking you to dance with life, to dance with what life has given you. If life has given you a partner, dance with that partner. If life has left you with yourself, dance and express yourself. Your life is perfect as it is. Give thanks for it and for all who are with you as you live, evolve and become more. This is all we have to say about this subject.
“We love you and bless you. We love men and bless men. And we encourage you to love all and bless all.